Till We Meet Again

Last year this day, my dad had suddenly left us. A year has gone by and just too soon. It’s unbelievable where all the time goes. His absence doesn’t seem to be real even for a second. It just always feels like he is around, and I’ll see him soon. The latter must be true but in another sense of the term.

And, here’s what I think he may be up to right now:

In the garden of eternal bliss

Squatting in your little corner

Busily you inspect the blooming bud

Fluffy white clouds whisper into your ears

Disapprovingly you wave your hands

Your very own characteristic way
 
Lessons in gardening is not what you need

They don’t know it – the fluffy white clouds

Little fairies hover around you

Their playfulness you always seek

Radiant bees and dazzling butterflies
 
Gleaming caterpillars and lustrous lady bugs

Cheerfully hang around here and there

Ramifying into a full-grown iridescent flower

The blooming bud twinkles and beams

Smiling away from the corner of your lips

Your very own characteristic way

It’s time to go look for the pond

Where the rainbow shimmers day and night

The exuberant golden fish eagerly awaits

It’s time to share, time to debate

Your very own characteristic way

Revenge Tourism

Revenge Tourism! What the hell is this? I exclaimed as I heard this term for the first-time last evening.  Apparently, it’s been doing rounds of social media. Having stayed away from Instagram (the only social media I actively pursue) for a while now, naturally I have no clue. Being overly occupied in certain other aspects of life also does its bit in contributing to such ignorance. Quite often, I find myself staggering behind and completely lost about these current trends and other such things brewing out there. Certainly, they aren’t important and hence don’t matter. But people pick up these terminologies and casually use them in everyday conversations. Sometimes, they go a step ahead and make you feel foolish and dumb when you express your unfamiliarity. I couldn’t care less though!

Revenge Tourism, as I understand, means tourism with a vengeance to make up for all the times people couldn’t travel. The phrase feels somewhat negative to me. Are we challenging Mother Nature in some way? – was my immediate thought. Probably, I am being judgmental as I have no idea how this terminology came into being and under what circumstances it might have been coined. Probably I am just envious as I haven’t had the opportunity to participate in Revenge Tourism just yet. However, to travel with a vengeful mindset feels strange and weird, doesn’t it? Afterall, what we think is just as important as what we say and do. Our thoughts matter, they make us who we are. It’s important to be mindful, not just of speech and action, but thought too. I wouldn’t dare to invite Mother Nature’s ire by indulging in any form of activity that might upset her, least of all by making a blatant display of my arrogance.

Revenge Tourism or Reward Tourism or whatever Tourism be it, the most important thing to remember is the entire economic angle around it. Tons of people have their livelihood dependent on tourism. So, let travel happen while making sure that protocols are adhered to and the right amount of balance is maintained.

To me travel still feels like a faraway dream, at least the kind of travel I used to do. Pre-pandemic travel sometimes feels like a thing of another life – a past life. I would go on long trips at least thrice a year and that would be interspersed with smaller trips to nearby places. All of that, feels like a dream now. I shouldn’t be just blaming the pandemic though. Life has changed personally in certain other ways too and it feels like a new phase. I had never given much thought to the fact that travel can be dependent on extraneous factors, many of which aren’t in one’s direct control. Well, life waxes and wanes and all we can do is just flow along.

Now, I hadn’t set out to put down my thoughts around Revenge Tourism today. Neither did I plan to tell my travel sob stories. This post was supposed to be about something else altogether. I wanted to sum up all the things I did between the end of December and beginning of January, which incidentally includes some bit of travel too. Let me just keep that aside for my next post.

The Frustrations of Travel Sabotage

Ever been in a situation where your travel was sabotaged by fellow travelers or others? If yes, I feel your pain. After navigating such situations a couple of times, I made some simple travel rules for myself. I can’t always stick to them for reasons beyond my control but do try my best to adhere to them whenever possible.

An important lesson I learnt in the hard way is that a great friend does not necessarily translate into a great travel partner. Habits and the way you go about doing things, which do not affect you otherwise may become a major mood spoiler in travel scenarios. For e.g. a friend of mine regularly spends a long time in the shower. I don’t care about that and why would I. When we traveled together this became a big botheration to me as I can never imagine spending precious travel time in routine activities. My friend on the other hand would not relent. She was here to relax, it was a holiday afterall. Not my idea of relaxing in any way.

I have a list of multiple such incidents. Let me narrate two.

At New York

The first time I went to the US, I had a connecting flight from New York, both during the onward and return journey. Obviously, in no way could I miss the opportunity of visiting the Big Apple. The plan was to stopover for the weekend in NY. A colleague, who was traveling with me, joined in only to leave me in the lurch by changing his plans at the last moment. Irrespective, I went ahead with my plan.

L: Times Square; R: Staten Island

A cousin’s girlfriend was stationed at New Jersey, during that time, and it was decided that I would stay with her for that weekend. I had never met her before but that didn’t matter as my only interest was exploring NYC. My cousin’s girlfriend, on the other hand, had a different idea about entertaining me. She wasted more than half a day cooking and feeding me. That I am not a foodie and I wasn’t there to eat was none of her concern. Moreover, she wouldn’t let me venture out alone. By the time we could step out it was late afternoon and soon it started snowing. My Saturday was bitterly spoilt. Left with only Sunday, I wasn’t going to let that go waste. It was a sunny day, I ventured out early in the morning and spent the day in my own way, salvaging whatever little I could of my most looked forward to NYC trip.

Trying to be the best host, my cousin’s girlfriend missed the larger picture that defeated my very purpose of visiting NY. The saddest part is that in most likelihood I will never make it to NY again.  

At Miami

The second incident is also associated with a trip to the US, though this is purely coincidental. Just two months before WHO declared Covid-19 as a pandemic, we were at the city of Miami on an official visit. Among the various places I planned to visit, I wasn’t going to miss Everglades National Park. Unlike other official visits that are quite crammed with meetings and events, this trip was quite relaxed providing us ample time to indulge in personal activities.

The picture on the left is significant for the date, we had no idea what awaited us for the rest of the year.

Two of my colleagues (or friends), whose travel ideas are drastically different from mine, started accompanying me everywhere translating into a kind of an unsaid rule that we would always go out together. And, all the trips would mostly end up in malls, shopping, and eating. Neither would they let me be nor would they do what I liked to do. They were simply being well-meaning friends without realizing that they were interfering with my ideas of experiencing the Magic City of Miami. As a result, I couldn’t visit half the places I had in my plan. Everglades National Park didn’t happen too. And once again, the saddest part is that in most likelihood I will never make it to Miami again.

While I can be quite accommodating and adjusting in other aspects of life, when it’s about travel it utterly frustrates me. Compromise in travel I shall not do! Can’t live upto it always though…

Karnataka’s Twin Waterfalls

I stood there staring at the gushing cascading waters, aggressively bouncing off the craggy moss-covered rock cliff. It always feels happy to be near a waterfall and this was no different. The white shafts of water complemented by the surrounding greenery of various shades did their job of lifting my spirits and boosting my energy. But my mind was agitated. It kept slipping into the past as scenes from the last time I was here fleeted before my eyes like a motion picture.

I was at the exact same spot a decade ago when I had just shifted to Bangalore.

The waterfall is just the same, but the surroundings look quite different – the usual story of manipulating the natural surroundings to make it more touristy. Such ugly human interventions always disturb the nature lover in me. Today, however, my mind was consumed with other thoughts – the memories of my last visit here. I was here with my parents (dad). Life’s changes are just too fast. And, the decade ago visit feels like it happened just yesterday.

Pic 1: This was clicked during my previous visit. The serene pool formed at the bottom of a waterfall always seems to me like the water needs a quick rest before carrying on.

We were at Barachukki Falls – one of the two waterfall that are collectively known as Shivanasamudra. The other one is Gaganachukki Falls. Shivanasamudra, literally translating as Shiva’s Sea, is formed by the dropping waters of River Cauvery as it makes its way through the Deccan Plateau. The river splits into two branches resulting into the two perennial waterfalls of Barachukki and Gaganachukki. While Barachukki is the eastern branch of the waterfall, Gaganachukki forms the western branch. In between lies the island town of Shivanasamudra that marks the boundary of Karnataka’s Chamarajanagar district and Mandya district.

Pic 2: The segmented cluster of Barachukki that spreads broadly across the cliff.

Located 140 kms away from Bangalore, Shivanasamudra has another claim to fame. It boasts of the second hydro-electric power station set up in colonial India in 1902. The power from this station was primarily used to run the Kolar Gold Fields during the gold rush of the early 1900s. [The first hydro-electric power station in India was set up at Darjeeling. These two were among the first ones in Asia.]

The twin waterfalls of Barachukki and Gaganachukki are separated by 10 Km. and can be covered just by a drive of 15-20 minutes. The twin waterfalls do not have much resemblance to each other, and they stand out significantly in their look and feel. The only similarity, I thought was the topography of their surroundings.

Pic 3: The horsetail parallel gushing and vivacious streams of Gaganchukki.

Barachukki gushes down fulsome and enthusiastically in all directions. It constitutes a cluster of segmented waterfalls that spreads broadly across the cliff, falling from a height of 69m. The multiple side-by-side waterfall is a consequence of the water dividing into several channels before dropping off the ledge. Gaganachukki is a steep waterfall that thunders down from a height of 98m. with an incredibly fierce velocity. It consists of two large parallel streams, quite aptly referred to as horsetails that cascade down through the rocky bed.

We were there in the month of December, 2020. It being the season of winter, the quantity of water was less in both the falls.

Barachukki Falls also has a flight of about 200 concrete steps, well-guarded with railings, to reach the bottom of the falls. During our visit, this was temporarily closed. It was pandemic times, so not surprising. During my previous visit, I had also seen people taking coracle rides right up to the falls. This time there were none. There is no way to reach the bottom of Gaganachukki and it would be dangerous to do so, given the sheer force of this falls.

Pic 4: L – A decade ago with my parents. R – This time with my sisters.

The Saga of Savitri Brata

I was on the usual everyday call with my Mom. But something was different today. The awkwardness in our conversation was just too obvious. Both of us were consciously staying away from ‘that topic’.

“It’s high time to do away with all this!”, I would have repeated umpteen number of times, persuading her to stop participating in Savitri Brata. Each time she had the same response, “I’ve been doing this right from the time I got married, can’t stop now.” This would be followed by give-away pretentions of blaming my grandmother (her mother-in-law) for initiating her into practicing the same. Nothing is ever enforced in our family, so we both knew how lame her accusations were. The feminist in me would sometimes struggle to understand her sentiments.

Savitri Brata is a religious event consisting of Puja rituals where women pray for the well-being and long lives of their husbands. I have been witnessing this annual tradition right from my childhood till the time I left home, a good decade-and-a-half ago. Prevalent in the East Indian states of Bihar, Bengal, Assam, and Orissa, this festival is celebrated mostly by the Bengalis, Maithilis, and Odiyas. It’s essentially a counterpart of the North Indian festival of Karva Chauth minus the fanfare and extravagance of dressing up as brides, adorning mehndi, and seeing your husbands through sieves against the backdrop of the Moon. Savitri Brata is relatively a quieter affair of getting together and participating in Puja rituals with the accompaniment of some harmless chatter and heartfelt laughter.

Usually Savitri Brata happens around the end of May or early June, the dates depend on the lunar calendar. This year it’s happening now. My mother used to actively participate in the annual festival and has been doing so for the last 40+ years. With my father’s demise, the very purpose of this festival doesn’t exist for her anymore. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for her!

The description of the rituals I provide in this post is based on how I have seen the festival celebrated in my home and in the neighbourhood. Hence, this is an account of the manner in which this festival is observed by the Bengalis living in Assam, Meghalaya and other states of North East India. The rituals and traditions in other states could be different, I have no idea.

Savitri Brata is spread over three days. Women wear new clothes and partially fast, living on a diet of fruits for the whole of the first two days and half of the third day. Preparations begin 2-3 days in advance. The sacred grass Durva (Bermuda grass) is collected from the garden, cleaned, and sorted. They are bundled into neat packs of 108 along with flowers. During the Puja, each woman dedicates a bundle to their respective husbands.

Long ago, when my grandparents were around, the puja was done exclusively by a priest at our home and was attended not only by women in the family, but those in the neighbourhood too. As the years passed by, the elaborateness of the puja coupled with reduced manpower made it challenging for my Mom and Aunts to continue conducting the puja at home. Now, the puja is conducted at a centralized location where everyone assembles (except for the pandemic years of 2020 and 2021).

Many a times, we have urged Mom and Aunts to quit the puja. My Dad and Uncles also persuaded to the best of their abilities. They disliked the additional task of making the necessary arrangements and ensuring that everything was in place. Moreover, carrying the psychological guilt of not doing something similar for their wives didn’t make them feel any better. But the women, in a world of their own, were relentless. In fact, they would enjoy those three days of merry making in the form of prayers, get-togethers, laughter, incessant chatter, new clothes, and not to mention the special attention. Logic, blackmail, humble cajoles, we tried it all. Finally, we just gave up!

However, like many other traditions and rituals, Savitri Brata will soon be gone without a trace. I don’t know a single woman of my generation who observes this festival. In just a few years, it will become a forgotten thing of the past.

Many may condemn this as a regressive affair reflecting our inherent patriarchal mindsets. Probably they are right, but over the years a new realization has dawned upon me. I see nothing wrong in following rituals or traditions, especially when they do no harm to others. Rather, they bring forth few moments of joy and happiness. If offering a prayer for your husband/partner puts a smile on your face, there cannot be anything wrong with that. It’s all about individual choices.

Legend of Savitri Brata

(Source: Wikipedia)

The brata was named after Savitri, the beautiful daughter of King Aswapati of Madra Desa. She selected Satyavan, a prince in exile who was living in the forest with his blind father Dyumatsen, as her life partner. She left the palace and lived with her husband and in-laws in the forest. As a devoted wife and daughter-in-law, she went to great lengths to take care of them. One day while cutting wood in the jungle, Satyavan's head reeled and he fell down from a tree. Yamraj, the God of Death, appeared to take away Satyavan's soul. Deeply hurt, Savitri pleaded to Yamraj not to be separated from her husband. If anything, he would have to take her along too. Yamraj, moved by the devotion of Savitri, returned the life of her husband. Soon Satyavan regained his lost kingdom too. 

Click here to read more.

A Kick in the Teeth

The pandemic has spared me so far, none of my family members or close friends and relatives have been affected. The virus did catch a few acquaintances, but they got away with hardly any troubles. My sincerest gratitude to the Almighty. By saying this I absolutely don’t mean to negate the unfathomable hardships many people are facing in various parts of the country (world).  And of course, I could be next in line.

I have stopped following the news and reading stories of death and devastation. This was after the two fateful nights when I couldn’t sleep a wink, having watched some visuals displayed on a television news channel. Added to that were some articles and stories that I had consumed from the Internet. A little deliberation and I realized these aren’t things in my control. I can do nothing by thinking about the sufferings people are going through. Either I go out in the field and make a difference by doing something meaningful or I better shut my mind off. I’ll cross the bridge if and when I need to. Selfish? Yes, but my wellness and sanity are my responsibility.

Right now, I am already fighting my very own battle. Though I am fully cognizant of the fact that in the current scheme of things what I’m going through cannot be categorized as a problem at all. But then, every single waking moment I am aware of it. It’s bothering me constantly and I am struggling.

This goes back to the month of March when I fell sick and had two blackouts resulting in a broken front tooth.

The dentist I was visiting had a very fancy clinic and several degrees under his belt. I did feel unnerved by his extraordinarily fancy clinic when I first visited him. It was my intuition at work, which I had failed to recognize. Afterall, he was recommended by another doctor who was a friend’s friend. His fee was exorbitant. My mind felt repulsed. Once again, I ignored the warning signs and instead told my mind to shut up – quality comes at a cost I concluded.

Now, I am at the receiving end of a treatment that’s gone horribly wrong. The dentist screwed up my teeth so much that the entire alignment of my jaws is messed up. The damage is permanent as he resized my original tooth and made them smaller in order to fit a crown over them. Not just that, I had broken one tooth, but he convinced me that the procedure is required on two of my front teeth. Now I am dealing with multiple problems – unable to chew my food, certain words just slip out of my mouth, and many other associated problems.

These teeth are cosmetic, not functional – he stated callously after completing the procedure and taking all the money. Something he ought to have explained before the procedure, which would have enabled me to take an informed decision. When I countered him, he was uninterested and gave illogical justifications.  This is one of those times when I feel that I have S-T-U-P-I-D written all over my face and people just easily take me for a ride. An online consultation with another dentist confirmed my fear of the wrong treatment and a permanent damage done. Now, I have no idea if the situation can be salvaged so that the feeling of discomfort eases a bit. That can happen only when another dentist examines it, which would not be possible until the current Covid scenario improves.  

My teeth problem is nothing compared to the Covid Problem. But I am unable to ignore it with the immense discomfort I am facing every single moment.

The New Normal

It was Day-1 of my new job.

The year 2020 was just ending and we were exactly in the middle of December. People all over the world were eagerly waiting for the ominous year to end. The general feeling was that something magical would happen on January 1st, 2021 and everything would become just like it how was before the pandemic. Around the same time, I stepped into my new job.

The last time I had changed my job was in 2012. I clearly remember that day, just as I clearly remember the first day of all the other jobs before that one. By and large, they have had a similar pattern. You dress up well, arrive at a particular time in the office lobby, exchange greetings with other new joiners, sign a pile of documents, get your laptop and other office accessories, have an induction/orientation session, meet your manager and your team, get to know the office campus, and things like that.

But today everything was different. A lot of it felt strange and weird. To start with I wasn’t dressed in my best clothes. I did shower, combed my hair, and wore something decent but I surely could have dressed better. Certainly, my attire wasn’t one that I would have worn on a Day-1 to any office. Since about a fortnight ago a ton of emails had been steadily arriving in my mailbox with a lot of paperwork and with directions about how to get going on Day-1. Even then, naively enough, I was under the impression that I would have to be physically present at the office for Day-1. Two days before Day-1, the recruiter called up to inform she was available over phone, if I needed something. It was only then I got to know that I don’t need to go to office at all.

The day started with a meeting with my manager who tried his best to make me feel comfortable and took me through a ton of slides that talked about the Business Unit I was joining. My mind couldn’t register most of it at that time. And, the fact that I was using my precarious 12-year-old personal laptop didn’t help much.  A 2-hour long orientation session followed a little while later. Once again, my aged laptop and I struggled to keep each other afloat. Here I saw other new joiners of the day. I read some of the names, not even one I recall today. A few, like me, were on camera but I don’t recall a single face. In all my previous jobs, I distinctly remember the meaningful connections I would make on Day-1. None of that happened today.

In the afternoon a chauffeur-driven car arrived at my apartment gate to hand-over the company laptop and the Company Identity Card. He even clicked a picture of me holding the laptop – proof that the laptop was delivered. The laptop didn’t work and had to be returned and reissued – not getting into the details. I also heard that a bag of Day-1 goodies is on the way and I should receive them soon.

I am more than 3 months old in the company now and quite settled in but I haven’t met any of the people I work with. Well, that’s only partially correct as I keep meeting my immediate team through our regular video calls. They are all in the US and I am the only one who connects from India, so that isn’t odd. That’s how it would anyway be. Working virtually isn’t something new to me. The rest of the larger team are in India, and in Bangalore for that matter. Of course, we haven’t met and don’t know when/if we ever will.

But I must admit that I haven’t felt alone or left out even once. Grateful to have joined a team of some of the most genuinely authentic and immensely helpful people. Perhaps, the virtual connections are working afterall!

Will I have workplace friends like I did in my previous company? Will have to wait and watch!

When Sickness Comes Unannounced

I opened my eyes, stared at the ceiling, and wondered what I was doing there. Wasn’t I supposed to be laying on bed? Why am I laying on the bathroom floor? It took me less than a minute to understand that I would have had a blackout and fallen down. I can’t remember how I was feeling at that moment, but I did get up, finished my business in the bathroom, and stepped out. Before I knew, I found myself laying on the floor once again. This time right beside my bed. So, I had a blackout once again! As I tried to get up, I could feel a small hard piece inside my mouth. I spit it out on my hand. It was the broken piece of a tooth. I would have fallen with my face hitting the hard-tiled floor that caused my front tooth to break off. Later, I discovered bruises all over my left arm, which was a consequence of the fall in the bathroom.

It was an early Wednesday morning when all of this was happening, and I was all alone at home.

I placed the broken tooth on my bedside table and somehow climbed onto the bed. After about 10-15 minutes, my mind started connecting the dots and drawing conclusions on what was happening. The day before, I had very high fever with temperatures ranging from 103°F to 105°F, sometimes almost 106°F. No paracetamol, no cold-water therapy was helping and the fever that started off in the afternoon, continued late into the evening. The fever came down only middle of the night accompanied by heavy sweating. As a result, my body would have lost salt and electrolyte and my BP would have fallen. Also, I couldn’t drink or eat anything the day before, except a few sips of ORS.

After a while when I felt a little better, I climbed out of bed and made myself a cup of black tea. I had that with two biscuits, only to throw up within moments of swallowing the same. Immediately, I typed a message to M, my ex-colleague, friend, and neighbour. M stays in the flat just below mine and was the only person who was aware about the severity of my sickness. I hadn’t told my family much as they are far away and cannot do much other than just worry for me. My sister isn’t in town too. She is visiting our home, Shillong. I have no idea what I would have done without M.

A simple Tonsil infection went awry, just because of a Doctor who refused to prescribe any medicines till I got tested for Covid. Did people never suffer from any fever-related ailments prior to Covid! Well, I got myself tested and the results were negative, as I had anticipated. Along with the tonsil infection, I had a molar tooth fracture too. The two were unrelated but managed to confuse me and my body sufficiently. To add to all the misery, the dentist I visited goofed up. As a result, I was suffering from acute toothache along with fever and other associated symptoms of an untreated Tonsil infection. Reeling under the pain of a fractured tooth and an overall unwellness due to the Tonsil infection, I surely have taken some wrong decisions.

Well, a lot of water flowed under the bridge for the past two weeks and I am doing much better now. The tooth problem remains, which is now multiplied with the addition of one broken front tooth and another sensitive to touch. I don’t remember being this seriously ill anytime in the recent past. Not at least in the Bangalore chapter of my life, which is 11 years now.

If the first doctor would have cared to give me some antibiotics, none of this would have happened. And, she happens to be the General Physician in one of the most reputed hospitals in Bangalore.

I routinely visit this hospital, however, this time I felt very negative after going there and this was even before I saw the doctor. There were no distinctions whatsoever for patients who were coming in with fever and flu symptoms. There was zero social distancing and many people didn’t have their masks on.

In all the things that went wrong in the past few days, I can only express my gratitude to the Almighty, who certainly made sure I wasn’t broken beyond repair. Whenever I look back at my blackouts, a shiver runs down my spine thinking about the things that could have happened but didn’t. I just need a good dentist to fix my broken tooth. M was there all through, taking care of me like a God-send angel. I can never repay all the things she did for me. A few other friends helped too in various ways, but M‘s proximity to me enabled her to do things that others couldn’t. Last but not the least, I must mention my housemaid. She went above and beyond her duty to make sure my recovery is quick. She had never seen me this sick in the past 6 years that she’s been working for me and that had her totally freaked out.

The last time I had fallen severely ill was when I had an Anaphylactic Shock. However, I feel this time was it was more critical. Last time I had received prompt medical attention, which didn’t happen this time.

You’re Always On My Mind

WHATEVER I AM TODAY IS BECAUSE OF YOU.
THEN THAT TIME ARRIVED, AND YOU HAD TO GO.
NOW, I MUST LIVE WITH THAT GAPING HOLE IN MY HEART FOREVER.

Six months have passed since that fateful day, when my father suddenly left us for his heavenly abode. Since then my life has changed forever. There were so many things that I used to take for granted, so many things that he would handle, things that never percolated down to us.

Even at the ripe age of 80, he was fully active and fully functional. He never depended on me or anybody for anything. His incredibly strong mind was a complete mismatch to his short height, small frame, and lean structure. He had boundless compassion for every living being – children, people (especially those that society decides to place on the lower rung), birds, caterpillars, worms, bees, butterflies, dogs, flowers, plants, fruits, etc., etc. An introvert, his ways were unusual and sometimes quite hilarious, especially when he tried to mask his compassionate self. A man of less words (except while criticizing politicians), his actions always spoke louder than words. He was headstrong too, both in a negative and positive way. It was difficult to dissuade him once he made up his mind about something, though in family matters he made sure to consult with all concerned stakeholders.  

My favourite picture of my parents, clicked at Agra Fort. History fascinated him and visits to forts and palaces would be associated with a lot of narration to my mother.

Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things to come to terms with, it’s like losing a part of yourself. It feels like you have lost your anchor in the rough sea. Someone had once told me that you feel like the roof over your head is gone and that’s exactly how I have been feeling. In his absence, I feel completely exposed and vulnerable. And on days like today, when I am unwell, such feelings start sky rocketing.

The weird thing is that I never needed my father as much. As a child, I grew up in a joint family and hence had many adults to go to. As an adult, I have always been very independent. I come from one of those relatively rare Indian families where there patriarchy is almost non-existent and no restrictions are placed on you because you are woman. There are family rules but those are equally applicable to all, irrespective of their gender. Hence, I have always taken my own decisions and did what I wanted to do. It was rare, if ever, I asked his advice for something. And, if I ever did his response was the usual – “Do what you think is best.” Having said that, there have been multiple occasions when he jumped in just at the right moment to protect me from a fall. And if I did fall, he was right there to lift me up.

My parents were tired of the hot and humid weather but this one’s for keeps, obviously so.

Two days back, I had to visit the hospital for an appointment with the doctor, the sights of old and frail people in wheelchairs made me extremely negative and upset. I could only express my gratitude to the Almighty that I didn’t have to see my strong father become weak, bedridden, and dependent. He would have reaped the benefit of some good karma that enabled him to transition so smoothly and painlessly.

The one good feeling that I continue to carry is the feeling of no regrets. I have no regrets whatsoever about how I conducted myself while my father was alive or what I could have done for him. Though I live alone in Bangalore, I made sure to visit home at least once a year. Again, my parents made sure they visited me once a year. The best part is that we spent time traveling together, especially in the last 4 years. The travel bit makes me the happiest as my father loved traveling and in the last decade, he couldn’t do much because of age-related health issues.  

The last holiday we did together at Rameshwaram just 5 months before he left us.

I can only hope that he will be with me and guide me to walk the right path always. He will guide me to manage the things that he managed so well – things that I never had to put my mind on to. He will enable me to be as strong as he was in discharging my duties towards the rest of my family.

I sum up with a quote from C.S. Lewis that I can so relate to – “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”

Christmas 2020

Pristine Beach by a Quaint Village

The evening sky broke into an intense assortment of red, pink, orange, and yellow as we watched the mellowed sun gradually recede into the glittering waters below. Standing on that elevated sandy ground, we silently observed the vermilion tinted waves compete with each other as they playfully rushed towards the shore. It was an incredible sight and we wanted to take it all in, keenly aware that it wasn’t going to last very long. 

Just behind us, on that sand dune, stood a beautiful Church, the white colour of which glowed with the setting sun. A few meters from the Church was a wooden Holy Cross standing tall on an elevated platform.

Pic 1: The sky was an assortment of colours – yellows, oranges, reds, pinks

We were at Manapad Beach. It was Christmas Day and I couldn’t have thought of being at a better place! And, this beautiful experience happened only because someone made it possible for us. I have always considered myself immensely fortunate when it comes to people I get connected with in my life. Some of these wonderful people are fellow bloggers I have met through WordPress and I have mentioned this umpteen times.

This post is dedicated to Sugan, who blogs at The Buffalo Rider. Do visit his blog and I can promise you that you will not be disappointed.  

On Christmas Day of 2020, I landed at Kanyakumari. Quite an impromptu trip and I hadn’t had the time to plan it well. I had visited Kanyakumari twice before, once many years ago as a little child with my father and another time a few years back with friends. However, the only thing that I recall about Kanyakumari is Vivekananda Rock and that’s not surprising at all.

It was during a random conversation on Instagram that Sugan had mentioned that he belonged to Kanyakumari offering to make recommendations if I ever decided to visit again. As promised, Sugan created an itinerary for me when I informed him about my plans. Usually that’s what people do. That’s what I would have done if someone was visiting Shillong or Bangalore. However, Sugan went a step ahead. He gave his precious time to us spending an entire afternoon and evening with us taking us around in his SUV, which he fondly calls ‘Buffalo’.

Pic 2: The Holy Cross Church and the wooden Holy Cross atop the sand dune

Just a few hours after we reached, Sugan picked us up from our hotel. After a quick lunch at a nearby restaurant, he took us to Vattakotai Fort. I will write in detail about this place in a separate post. Thereafter, we started for Manapad Village. Manapad is a coastal village with a dominant fisherman population and is located in Tuticorin, about 75 Km. away from Kanyakumari . The drive from Kanyakumari to Manapad is exquisitely beautiful, which was a compelling reason for Sugan to recommend this place to us.

Little Details from the Village

As we arrived at the village, the first thing we noticed was the steeples and spires of various churches nestled between the brick-red roofs of the whitewashed houses. The Gothic-styled churches stood out, intriguing us sufficiently. I got to know later that these were St. James Church and Holy Spirit Church – two of the three churches in Manapad. Thinking that we would visit them later, we headed towards the beach. The Holy Cross Church is located on an elaborate sand dune on the beach. It being Christmas there were a lot of people at the Church. We climbed the sand dune and spent the entire evening watching the sunset. Consequently, time ran out and we missed visiting the two Gothic styled churches we had seen earlier.

An interesting aspect of this beach is that water is separated by stretches of sand in some places creating clear blue lagoons. Another thing that drew our attention was a well in the beach which provides fresh water to the villagers who fetch drinking water from this well.

Pic 3: Climbing up a sand hill is not all that easy. Sugan on the left and my sisters on the right.
Pic 4: Clear blue lagoons separated from the sea by chunks of sand. Notice the village on the left, the spires of the Gothic-styled churches can be seen.

I wish I could spend at least a day in the tempting clean sand and blue waters of Manapad. I had no idea that such a quaint little village with a mesmerizing beach existed in Tuticorin and one that is easily accessible from so many places in South India. The fact that Manapad is relatively unknown to the usual touristy crowd only adds to its charm. Such offbeat places can only be experienced when you are lucky enough to have a local connection.

I definitely owe my Christmas, 2020 to Sugan. Your hospitality inspired me. You taught me how giving your valuable time to people visiting your hometown can completely elevate their experience of that place. I ought to do more when people I know visit my hometown.

Pic 5: Sugan spends a quiet moment lost with the waves.

An Addendum

Here’s an interesting story I read about the Holy Cross at the beach.

In 1540 a Portuguese ship was caught in a dreadful storm. It was at the risk of sinking with its sails splitting and mast snapping. The captain entrusted the safety of the vessel to Christ and vowed to construct a Cross from the splintered mast if they escaped alive and have it installed wherever they land safely. After drifting for several days, the ship washed up on the shores of Manapad. The captain kept his vow and planted a Cross atop the sand dune.

Furthermore, when the cross was in the form of a log, cut off from the broken mast, a villager had cleaned his foot removing filth by rubbing on the log. Soon, his foot swelled up and he felt immense pain. That night the villager had a vision that the ailment was due to his defiling the log. In order to get cured he was asked to wipe the muck off the log, smear the log with oil, and then apply the same oil to his foot. The villager did as he was told and was cured.